Yesterday, I was able to book two tours in this tiny hole in the wall ‘Florida Visitors Advice Center‘.
Warning lights go off when after one minute of conversation I hear “But we do it cheaper for you… not $49.00… make it $42.00 instead” The guy reeked of what was a seemed to be a mix of Blue Stratos and Old Spice. I couldn’t be bothered working out how else to book these tours so I chose my fragrant friend and after all he was giving me a ‘good deal’.
I got a bright green ticket for ‘Paradise Tours’. The first tour I would be going on would be to the Everglades and Gator Park (!) for an airboat trip (this is the only thing I wanted to do). So I had to give a $20 deposit for that and also for my Miami city and islands tour tomorrow that is done half on a bus and half in a boat. Eeek. I cringe when I go on these tours but sometimes it is a) the only way to get somewhere if you don’t have a car and b) it is easier to leave it in someone elses hands.
I handed over my deposit and was basically thinking if I get picked up, as promised at 9.45am, it would be a miracle. I was expecting to find out that no tours actually existed. But this morning, without avail my fragrant friend was there to meet me in the foyer.. just to let me know that my bus was on its way. Hmm wierd service and then he disappeared.
So my bus turned up and this 20 year old guy who looked like a contestant on the MTV’s Real World was my driver. I jumped in and after a few more stops the minivan was full and we were on our way to the Everglades. I ended up travelling with one guy from Melbourne who had been living in Bermuda for two years and was on his way home and another one from Manchester – they had met yesterday on the Miami day trip and they warned me that for tomorrow if I get their guide, Ernesto, I am to be warned. He burped in the microphone the WHOLE time. Something to look forward to!
We had a 40 minute ride out to the Everglades and we saw alligators in the canals by the side of the road… we then rocked up to ‘Gator Land’. Sheesh. If there would be anywhere where Clark and Ellen Griswold could be found, it would be Gator Land. We were greeted by the two closest people I have ever found to Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife, except they were in khakis. “Y’ALL STAY IN YA TOUR GROUP ORDER YA HEARRRRRRRR!” was repeatedly screeched to us and I was seriously losing it – like the laughing you try and hold in at a school assembly but cannot. It was surreal. A half an hour away you have models and guys on rollerblades coasting around eating anything that doesn’t contain a carb and here we could’ve been in Hicksville, Kentucky. Just too strange!
The airboat ride was really good – we saw lots of gators and native fauna and we got up a really good speed – that went for about 45 minutes and then it was time for the demonstration. I walked in and the guy pounced on me with a HUGE scorpion. I screamed and I think even sprayed spit everywhere I got such a fright. I was mortified – in front of all these people! Then I ended up laughing so much I just had to sit up the back and behave myself after that. He bought out a toad that is found everywhere here and has slowly killed all the native frogs and toads in the area, then a couple of gators, a panther etc. All very touristy and in the end it was almost like “Is that it?” After hanging around for what felt like an hour while many of the others ordered gator burgers, gator sausages and the like, I just spent the time chatting to others to make it go quicker. The subject then went on to tipping.
I had already paid $42.00 etc. The Bounty Hunter’s wife mentioned to us as the airboat docked, “Your tips are how I make a living..” I had no change – I didn’t think I’d be tipping people who were doing their job?! Then the demonstrator mentioned tips. And then of course there was the driver who apart for a 5 minute speel when we hopped in the bus, just drove.
My two other gator pals and I decided on $2.00 each for the driver as I had to scrounge around for dimes and quarters to even get to this. For me, the whole tipping thing just puts a real yuk feling onto the end of the trip for some reason. People just scurrying off to the side to slip some money in someone elses hand. I can’t stand it and it is the one thing I am so grateful that we don’t have to do at home.
Tomorrow it will be another 9.45am start for the Miami tour and then on Saturday I am off to Orlando via Amtrak that leaves at 7.15am. One block from the Tropics is Jerry’s Famous Deli. I had dinner there last night and I think I will eat there for the rest of my time here – it is so good, great food, big screens and awesome service.
The news that has been everywhere here has been about Lisa Nowak – the astronaut who drove to Orlando to confront (and prosecutors say she planned to murder) the woman who was going out with the other astronaut she liked. The thing is, for the nine hour trip she wore… nappies so she didn’t have to stop. As one tv host said, “Can someone please tell me the what CAR doesn’t require gas duing a 900 mile trip!” Astronauts are held in the highest regard here and this has been getting tracked non-stop. What has been hillarious has been the headlines and USA Today has some of the great ones listed.