On Saturday we had our Pre-Cana day at the Albany Diocesan offices. You must complete a Pre-Cana course to be married in the Catholic church so we booked in as soon as we had our first meeting with Fr Joe. It was not what I expected at all as there were A LOT of couples there – somehow I envisaged us and 6 others in a hot room where we had to discuss everything in front of each other.
We were so tired as we didn’t get up to Albany until midnight due to shocking traffic getting through to New Jersey, so being at ‘school’ for an 8.30am start was harsh. We had to have a packed lunch so Bill’s sister Pauline made us the most gorgeous packed lunch (with love heart serviettes and all!) for us to have and left it in the fridge for us. Our instructors for the day were a husband and wife who had been married for 24 years and dated for 8 years before that. Sadly, she had had an adverse reaction to medication and was totally covered in hives and so we all agreed to work through the whole syllabus without a break so that she could get to the doctors. There was one other couple there who were getting married on the same day as us and a real mix of people. The instructors were honest with the fact that they knew 1/3 of those in the room were there simply because ‘they had to be’ but they hoped they would still get something out of it.
We discussed various topics and worked through a workbook where we would answer the questions separately and then you would compare your answers with your fiancee. There was no expectation of talking to the others about what you answered – it was like Bill and I just had to work through it ourselves and the leaders were there to guide you – which was great because it allowed us to talk about our answers and lead on to other areas for discussion.
The exercises didn’t have any amazing revelations for us and for most things we answered exactly the same even without peeping at each others answers. I have to say, when it got to the part about in-laws and dealing with family, Bill and I are absolutely BLESSED.
Religious or not, I think all couples could get something out of a Pre-Cana like session. I don’t think it is something that is a bad thing at all. The whole marriage counselling process has been really enjoyable – from the 5 million question survey we filled out on our first meeting with Fr Joe, to the materials supplied at Pre-Cana it has been a worthwhile process that gets you thinking about some things you may not have said out aloud to each other. I think a lot of the content is especially worthwhile to younger people that are getting married without the life experience that older folk like us have. 😉 But really – it cannot hurt to do it and no matter how long you have been together, you would get something out of the pre-marital counselling process.
One beautiful quote that our instructor read out was from the play Skin Of Our Teeth by Thornton Wilder –
I didn’t marry you because you were perfect.
I didn’t even marry you because I loved you.
I married you because you gave me a promise.
That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine.
Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them;
and it wasn’t our love that protected them-
it was that promise.