The range of emotions over the past four weeks (actually make that the past 12 months!) have been a rollercoaster.
Today, there is no doubt about it as a little cloud of sadness hangs over our apartment. It is always like this after goodbyes and yesterday, as I bawled my eyes out in the street as the car service drove mum, dad and Matt to JFK I realized that you continue to learn that goodbyes never get easier. You never get used to the awful dread that hangs around on the morning of departure or the clock countdown to the latest possible time you can leave to make it to the airport that no-one talks about. It is absolutely awful. I cannot put it any other way. I hate it and through all my overseas adventures it is always the same. My stomach hurts, my head throbs and it is so emotionally draining it really does take everything out of you.
Today, my eyes are swollen, the TV is off and this place is just absolutely quiet as all I can hear is the noise from the radiator and random street noise. I am wandering around just taking everything in. There is a stack of washing to do and I want to cook some meals to freeze and catch up on housework but just like last time they were here, there are so many memories around the place. We may yell at each other when we are together, crack it at the smallest things and argue over absolutely everything but I know I am so lucky we were able to spend this time together. I wish there was something that could make everyone just that little bit closer in distance. Because truly, distance sucks and it never gets easier.